1
00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:15,139
He said he'd meet us at the quad!

2
00:00:23,105 --> 00:00:25,066
...with Anise,
like, seven minutes ago.

3
00:00:25,107 --> 00:00:27,527
I'm sorry if that makes me,
like, moralistic or whatever,

4
00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:28,945
but I have my principles.

5
00:00:28,986 --> 00:00:30,613
Uh, where were your principles

6
00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:33,449
when you were rolling around
under a porch with Tom,

7
00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:35,493
like, "Oh, where's my headband?"

8
00:00:35,576 --> 00:00:38,621
Tom is poly, and we all know that.
Don't sleep on that fact.

9
00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:40,331
Look, I ain't sleeping on shit,

10
00:00:40,414 --> 00:00:43,125
except maybe Tom, because he's also bi.

11
00:00:43,167 --> 00:00:47,421
And I'd like to remind the three of you
not to sleep on this friendship,

12
00:00:47,463 --> 00:00:49,215
because I know it feels like
it's just gonna be, like,

13
00:00:49,298 --> 00:00:50,800
love and lust pushing you forward,

14
00:00:50,841 --> 00:00:53,719
but lust fades, and friendship never does,
if you nurture it.

15
00:00:53,803 --> 00:00:54,971
Do you need something?

16
00:00:55,179 --> 00:00:58,266
Mmm-mmm. Nope, just loving
the vibe of the campus, very evolved.

17
00:00:58,307 --> 00:00:59,850
Loving the smoothie bar.

18
00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:01,310
Have a beautiful day.

19
00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:03,396
- Somebody's mom?
- Did you see her...

20
00:01:03,479 --> 00:01:06,524
- Oh, she's probably continuing ed.
- That is so sad.

21
00:01:07,149 --> 00:01:08,818
So, yeah, I'm just kind of
amazed to be at this interview.

22
00:01:08,901 --> 00:01:11,279
I mean, to me, professors have always
been people with, you know, like,

23
00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:15,908
MFAs and country houses
and possibly a neck goiter.

24
00:01:15,992 --> 00:01:18,869
When I came here
two years ago from Syracuse...

25
00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:21,914
- Mmm-hmm.
- ...armpit, don't tell anyone,

26
00:01:21,998 --> 00:01:24,458
I had one goal in mind
when I took over this department,

27
00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:27,712
and that was to just pump it
full of fresh blood, you know?

28
00:01:27,795 --> 00:01:31,132
Just like a human heart
beating, beating, beating.

29
00:01:31,173 --> 00:01:32,800
Or a nice young cock.

30
00:01:32,842 --> 00:01:33,843
Whoa. Yeah.

31
00:01:33,926 --> 00:01:37,513
Because, hey, what do you want
your students to leave with?

32
00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:39,974
Hope and wonder and "Yes"!

33
00:01:40,474 --> 00:01:43,936
And do you know what has more possibility
than absolutely anything else?

34
00:01:44,020 --> 00:01:46,897
A nice young cock? Is that it?

35
00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:48,399
The Internet.

36
00:01:49,108 --> 00:01:50,151
Yes.

37
00:01:50,192 --> 00:01:52,778
And you, my dear, you
write for the Internet.

38
00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:54,071
And, boy, do you write.

39
00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:57,199
And when I read your stuff,
it's honest, it's frank,

40
00:01:57,241 --> 00:02:00,244
it's, "Here I am. Fucking
take it or leave it."

41
00:02:00,328 --> 00:02:03,205
- Yeah.
- You are a fucking hotshot.

42
00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:04,874
Thank you.

43
00:02:04,915 --> 00:02:06,584
Okay, so let's talk logistics.

44
00:02:06,667 --> 00:02:08,377
Um, hundred students...

45
00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:10,504
- Groups of 25.
- Mmm-hmm.

46
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:14,717
Doing seminars, then a little one-on-one
time. "Cozy time," I like to call it.

47
00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:15,926
Can you do it?

48
00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:20,848
Can you show these students
the real guts and meat of the Internet?

49
00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:22,099
What it's really for?

50
00:02:22,516 --> 00:02:23,517
Yes, I can.

51
00:02:23,559 --> 00:02:26,020
I am 100% the right person
to show them the Internet.

52
00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:28,230
And also, just to bring up, whatever,
the elephant in the room,

53
00:02:28,272 --> 00:02:29,273
I know it's illegal for you to ask.

54
00:02:29,940 --> 00:02:32,610
I know my body's kind of confusing,
but, yes, I am pregnant.

55
00:02:32,693 --> 00:02:34,570
And I plan to work
right through having the baby.

56
00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:37,823
That is not an issue for me. I got through
a high school production of Guys and Dolls

57
00:02:37,907 --> 00:02:39,533
with full-scale spinal meningitis.
I can do anything.

58
00:02:39,575 --> 00:02:41,911
You know what gave it away
as soon as you came in the door?

59
00:02:41,952 --> 00:02:43,913
- What?
- Breasts.

60
00:02:44,413 --> 00:02:46,207
Gorgeous fruit.

61
00:02:46,374 --> 00:02:47,958
Beautiful.

62
00:02:48,042 --> 00:02:52,546
Pregnant women and young mothers
are the most vital force on this earth,

63
00:02:52,588 --> 00:02:55,966
and when I was pregnant, oh, my God,

64
00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:57,802
the men that hit on me...

65
00:02:58,177 --> 00:02:59,762
Do you know who Norman Mailer is?

66
00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:01,055
Yeah, Norman Mailer.

67
00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:04,433
He had a friend named Jeff
who was fucking crazy for me.

68
00:03:35,297 --> 00:03:36,507
Powerful.

69
00:03:57,319 --> 00:03:58,362
Hello?

70
00:03:58,446 --> 00:03:59,822
Hi, Hannah?

71
00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:01,490
Hannah, Phaedra.

72
00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:04,452
Oh, hi! Oh, my God, I'm so glad I answered.
When do I ever do that?

73
00:04:04,493 --> 00:04:05,995
Because, like, who the hell
wants to talk on the phone?

74
00:04:06,078 --> 00:04:08,831
Well, I do.
For hours a night, actually.

75
00:04:08,873 --> 00:04:10,541
Great, yeah. I mean, I love it.

76
00:04:10,624 --> 00:04:13,502
It's just hard to find other,
you know, millennials to engage. Hi.

77
00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:17,506
I just wanted to let you know
that I have spoken with my colleagues,

78
00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:19,884
and, despite their old, shriveled balls,

79
00:04:19,967 --> 00:04:21,719
we would like to offer you the position.

80
00:04:21,969 --> 00:04:25,765
Oh! Oh, my God. Wow.
I mean, I must have been very impressive.

81
00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:27,308
That was so fast.

82
00:04:27,349 --> 00:04:28,768
We connected hard-core.

83
00:04:29,018 --> 00:04:31,103
Listen, this is so weird,

84
00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:33,063
but my mom always says
that you should sleep on it

85
00:04:33,147 --> 00:04:34,648
before accepting any new job,

86
00:04:34,690 --> 00:04:36,317
and I've literally never taken her advice,

87
00:04:36,358 --> 00:04:40,404
but I've also never been
successful at a job.

88
00:04:40,488 --> 00:04:44,492
So, I want to take 24 hours
to think about it, if that's okay.

89
00:04:44,533 --> 00:04:47,870
Follow your bliss, my lady.
Just get back to me by Monday.

90
00:04:47,953 --> 00:04:49,789
Okay, great. Thank you so much.

91
00:04:51,832 --> 00:04:53,042
Fuck!

92
00:04:58,130 --> 00:05:01,133
I just don't understand
why you would want to leave New York, okay?

93
00:05:01,217 --> 00:05:03,302
That's like something
your family makes you do

94
00:05:03,385 --> 00:05:06,180
when you're too deep
into crack to stop them.

95
00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:09,934
That's not something that a young, vibrant,

96
00:05:10,017 --> 00:05:11,894
albeit pregnant, person does.

97
00:05:11,977 --> 00:05:15,272
I don't know, Elijah,
I just think it's time to admit that, like,

98
00:05:15,356 --> 00:05:17,525
New York hasn't brought me
anything but misery.

99
00:05:17,566 --> 00:05:18,901
That's insane!

100
00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:22,446
This is the greatest city in the world.

101
00:05:22,738 --> 00:05:24,657
What are you gonna do? You're gonna leave,

102
00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:29,620
gonna go up to the goddamn woods,
or wherever the fuck you're going,

103
00:05:30,412 --> 00:05:31,497
teach?

104
00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:33,707
Write?

105
00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:35,793
Live in a house?

106
00:05:35,876 --> 00:05:38,003
I mean, literally all
three of those things.

107
00:05:40,756 --> 00:05:42,758
I don't know, Elijah, you know?

108
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,678
This place is just...
It's too hard to make a living here.

109
00:05:46,053 --> 00:05:49,181
My baby needs some kind of peace.
I don't even have health insurance.

110
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:50,766
This job has benefits and stuff.

111
00:05:50,808 --> 00:05:52,351
Do you remember when we first moved here?

112
00:05:52,434 --> 00:05:54,103
Yeah, like it was yesterday.

113
00:05:54,311 --> 00:05:56,939
You proposed on St. Mark's Place,
but then you admitted you had chlamydia,

114
00:05:57,022 --> 00:05:58,899
and you were crying,
and you wouldn't say where it came from.

115
00:05:58,941 --> 00:06:00,067
You said it was a McDonald's bathroom.

116
00:06:01,777 --> 00:06:03,737
The details are not important.

117
00:06:04,363 --> 00:06:06,574
What's important is

118
00:06:06,615 --> 00:06:11,120
we agreed to live here,
and suffer, and be miserable

119
00:06:11,203 --> 00:06:14,582
in this godforsaken rat hole together.

120
00:06:14,623 --> 00:06:16,917
That's a contract you and me made.

121
00:06:19,503 --> 00:06:20,963
You can't give up on that.

122
00:06:23,340 --> 00:06:24,466
I don't know.

123
00:06:24,508 --> 00:06:27,803
And if you think I'm gonna move up there
and marry you and be your Tad,

124
00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:30,180
you are sorely mistaken, ma'am.

125
00:06:30,264 --> 00:06:31,515
Probably.

126
00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:37,229
Hey, you want to come sleep with me?

127
00:06:37,813 --> 00:06:39,189
No.

128
00:06:40,983 --> 00:06:42,359
Wait, for sex?

129
00:06:42,443 --> 00:06:44,028
No, what?

130
00:06:44,111 --> 00:06:46,071
I mean, what if it was for sex?

131
00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:47,656
No?

132
00:06:49,241 --> 00:06:51,201
I just want to be clear
about the invitation.

133
00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:52,703
Will you sing to me?

134
00:06:54,496 --> 00:06:58,292
I'll give you one Demi,
but then it's lights out.

135
00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:02,004
I had to unfollow her on Instagram.
It's too much negativity.

136
00:07:03,088 --> 00:07:07,176
Tell me what you want,
what you like

137
00:07:07,217 --> 00:07:09,929
It's okay

138
00:07:10,012 --> 00:07:13,766
I'm a little curious, too

139
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:18,604
Tell me if it's wrong, if it's right

140
00:07:18,687 --> 00:07:21,190
I don't care

141
00:07:21,231 --> 00:07:25,319
I can keep a secret, can you?

142
00:07:26,528 --> 00:07:29,365
Got my mind on your body

143
00:07:29,448 --> 00:07:32,159
and your body on my mind

144
00:07:33,869 --> 00:07:36,664
Want a taste of the cherry

145
00:07:36,705 --> 00:07:39,625
I just need to take a bite

146
00:07:40,876 --> 00:07:42,711
Don't tell your mother

147
00:07:44,171 --> 00:07:45,923
Live for each other

148
00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:49,385
We're cool for the summer

149
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:52,262
Ooh

150
00:07:55,057 --> 00:07:57,643
I think it's wonderful.
I think it's just what you need.

151
00:07:57,726 --> 00:07:59,103
We'll come visit you on the weekends,

152
00:07:59,186 --> 00:08:01,397
and you can stay with us
whenever you have work to do.

153
00:08:01,438 --> 00:08:03,023
Go, baby, go.

154
00:08:03,065 --> 00:08:06,235
On the other hand,
if I had left New York when I wanted to,

155
00:08:06,276 --> 00:08:08,362
I never would have met your dad on Gay.com.

156
00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:12,616
And I bless that sexual
GPS service every day.

157
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:15,536
Listen, Banana,
it's only a bus ride away.

158
00:08:15,577 --> 00:08:19,790
We can bring cheese, wine,
books, diapers, culture.

159
00:08:19,873 --> 00:08:21,083
Let's do this!

160
00:08:21,125 --> 00:08:22,876
You guys will take the bus?

161
00:08:23,335 --> 00:08:25,963
No. No, it was just an
expression of distance.

162
00:08:26,046 --> 00:08:28,507
I was trying to give you a sense
of how close you would be.

163
00:08:28,590 --> 00:08:31,010
Well, this drum circle's
as good a reason to leave New York as any.

164
00:08:31,093 --> 00:08:32,761
Can't you drum somewhere else?

165
00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:35,097
Ugh. Get a life.

166
00:08:35,931 --> 00:08:37,558
You've reached Marnie Michaels.

167
00:08:37,599 --> 00:08:39,059
Have a blessed day.

168
00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:43,647
Marn, where are you, okay? I'm trying to
figure something out, and I really need you.

169
00:08:57,619 --> 00:08:59,121
Does that one send strength?

170
00:08:59,163 --> 00:09:00,789
That one smells really good.

171
00:09:01,248 --> 00:09:02,750
I like the slip top.

172
00:09:02,791 --> 00:09:06,253
Okay, so we need
one for wealth, one for romance,

173
00:09:06,295 --> 00:09:09,965
and also one to promote,
like, an ease of creativity.

174
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:13,010
Mmm. Yeah. Like a candle's gonna
help us find an apartment

175
00:09:13,093 --> 00:09:14,595
that doesn't smell like hot wings.

176
00:09:14,636 --> 00:09:16,388
I literally don't care
if it smells like hot wings

177
00:09:16,472 --> 00:09:17,473
as long as you're there.

178
00:09:18,015 --> 00:09:20,225
See?
That's why you're my best friend.

179
00:09:24,104 --> 00:09:25,564
I kind of like this one.

180
00:09:25,647 --> 00:09:26,774
I don't want that in our apartment.

181
00:09:26,815 --> 00:09:28,484
Oh, okay.

182
00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:33,655
- Yeah?
- I like purple. It's nice.

183
00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:35,240
It'll go with the wallpaper.

184
00:09:44,666 --> 00:09:47,086
The number you are
trying to call is not reachable.

185
00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:55,886
Ugh. I can't believe this is my fourth
callback for this fucking show.

186
00:09:55,969 --> 00:09:57,304
At some point,
I'm just gonna have to ask them,

187
00:09:57,346 --> 00:10:00,182
"Hey, are we fuck buddies
or are we exclusive?"

188
00:10:00,265 --> 00:10:02,601
Well, maybe they're waiting
for your hoop shooting to improve.

189
00:10:02,684 --> 00:10:04,144
How's your goodbye tour?

190
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,688
Confusing.

191
00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:08,899
I mean, can't someone
just tell me exactly what to do,

192
00:10:08,982 --> 00:10:11,110
but in a way that makes it seem
like it's my idea?

193
00:10:11,193 --> 00:10:13,695
Yes. You should have sex before you leave

194
00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:16,281
'cause I don't know what kind of dicks
are gonna be up in the boondocks.

195
00:10:16,365 --> 00:10:21,453
Great idea. I will call up one of the guys
who would love to have sex with this.

196
00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:24,081
I'm sure there's plenty of quality people

197
00:10:24,164 --> 00:10:27,209
who would love to have sex
with what you got going on,

198
00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:28,377
and not murder you.

199
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:31,630
I don't know. Maybe you're right.

200
00:10:31,713 --> 00:10:33,715
Maybe I am leaving too early,
and I haven't, like,

201
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:35,425
made a proper mark on this city.

202
00:10:35,509 --> 00:10:39,054
Hannah, you've made
so many wonderful friendships here.

203
00:10:42,766 --> 00:10:44,393
That's not a thing.

204
00:10:45,727 --> 00:10:46,770
I got to go.

205
00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:48,814
Look. I stole these.

206
00:10:48,897 --> 00:10:51,150
Oh, my God! I'm so proud of you.

207
00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:53,152
This is the type of fun that we have.

208
00:10:53,235 --> 00:10:55,571
I steal yogurts, and
then we laugh about it.

209
00:10:56,488 --> 00:10:57,990
What the fuck are you doing?

210
00:10:59,741 --> 00:11:01,243
- Good luck.
- Thank you.

211
00:11:02,077 --> 00:11:03,120
Kick.

212
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:50,626
This is Greenpoint Avenue.
Next stop, 21st Street.

213
00:11:50,709 --> 00:11:52,294
Stand clear of the closing doors.

214
00:11:56,381 --> 00:11:59,509
Do you need help walking up the steps
or anything, ma'am?

215
00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:02,804
The "ma'am" is a little much, I would say.

216
00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:06,892
Shall we do it now? You do yours.

217
00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:10,229
Whoa, Caroline, hi.

218
00:12:10,312 --> 00:12:12,397
My darling one.

219
00:12:14,191 --> 00:12:16,944
Wow. It's really wild to see you.

220
00:12:16,985 --> 00:12:20,072
We did not know, uh, if you were alive.

221
00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:23,367
Ooh, wow.

222
00:12:24,493 --> 00:12:26,328
Life's so wild, isn't it?

223
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:27,579
Isn't it?

224
00:12:27,829 --> 00:12:31,166
I mean, you know, who knew all you needed
was the right cocktail of pills,

225
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:33,502
and then you could really stabilize.

226
00:12:33,585 --> 00:12:36,255
I mean, for now. Who knows for sure?

227
00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:40,842
And you, my beauty,
how are you experiencing life?

228
00:12:40,884 --> 00:12:44,388
Laird tells me that
you are with child.

229
00:12:44,471 --> 00:12:46,223
I am, yes. I'm carrying a child.

230
00:12:46,306 --> 00:12:48,809
And it looks like
I'm gonna be moving out of the city, so...

231
00:12:48,850 --> 00:12:54,189
Good. Good. I'm fairly certain that
my leaving the city is what cured me.

232
00:12:54,231 --> 00:12:55,816
- Really?
- Oh, yes.

233
00:12:55,857 --> 00:12:58,193
And a very short
but powerful stay in the hospital.

234
00:12:58,443 --> 00:12:59,486
Yeah.

235
00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:01,822
So, yes. Yes.

236
00:13:02,906 --> 00:13:05,409
Yes, Hannah, go. Go.

237
00:13:05,492 --> 00:13:09,454
I release you like a bird,
like a wild bird into the night.

238
00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:13,083
I release you like a bird!

239
00:13:13,166 --> 00:13:14,960
Go! Go!

240
00:13:15,043 --> 00:13:17,796
You know, I forgot something
that I was gonna get at the corner store.

241
00:13:17,879 --> 00:13:18,880
Bye, Sample.

242
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:21,341
Oh. Well, I didn't mean
right now, but, yes.

243
00:13:33,645 --> 00:13:37,107
Marn, call me back, okay?
I have an actual problem about actual life.

244
00:13:37,190 --> 00:13:38,358
Please.

245
00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:21,860
...rice.

246
00:14:21,943 --> 00:14:25,280
I know it's so traditional to throw rice, but
I just don't think I want them throwing it,

247
00:14:25,322 --> 00:14:27,074
because then the pigeons eat it,
and I hear they die.

248
00:14:27,115 --> 00:14:28,617
I don't want that
on my conscience, you know?

249
00:14:28,658 --> 00:14:30,452
Hey. Hi.

250
00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:32,662
Hannah.

251
00:14:33,246 --> 00:14:34,623
Hi, um...

252
00:14:35,457 --> 00:14:38,460
I'm so sorry, will you guys
just excuse me for just one second?

253
00:14:38,668 --> 00:14:41,296
Um, hi.

254
00:14:41,588 --> 00:14:44,049
I don't mean to be rude,
but what are you doing here?

255
00:14:44,132 --> 00:14:45,759
Uh, well, I stopped by to see you,

256
00:14:45,801 --> 00:14:48,220
but it seems like maybe
I picked a bad time.

257
00:14:48,512 --> 00:14:50,972
Uh, yeah, actually, you kind of did.

258
00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:56,353
You had a party, and you didn't invite me?
I mean, this place is, like, at capacity.

259
00:14:56,436 --> 00:14:58,397
Yeah, I did,

260
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,982
which would be strange,
except you're having a baby

261
00:15:01,066 --> 00:15:04,653
and you neglected to tell me after you literally
told everyone else on the face of the earth.

262
00:15:04,694 --> 00:15:08,156
So, um, I guess that just kind of says
who we are to each other.

263
00:15:09,616 --> 00:15:10,659
Will you actually excuse me?

264
00:15:10,742 --> 00:15:13,995
It's just kind of impolite to leave your
guests hanging at your own engagement party.

265
00:15:16,623 --> 00:15:20,669
You're engaged?
This is an engagement party for you?

266
00:15:20,710 --> 00:15:23,380
Yeah, so, you know,
I'm still at my mom's condo.

267
00:15:23,463 --> 00:15:25,298
Like, a totally temp situation,

268
00:15:25,340 --> 00:15:27,926
and all my stuff is in these cute little
things at Manhattan Mini Storage.

269
00:15:28,009 --> 00:15:29,302
What the fuck is going on?

270
00:15:29,344 --> 00:15:31,763
Why didn't you answer
any of my calls all day?

271
00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:35,559
Could you, uh, just... We'll be back.

272
00:15:35,642 --> 00:15:36,726
Or we won't.

273
00:15:42,190 --> 00:15:43,442
I didn't want you to feel left out.

274
00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:46,903
Good job. Yeah, it worked super great.
What the fuck is this party?

275
00:15:47,571 --> 00:15:49,281
Shosh is engaged.

276
00:15:49,364 --> 00:15:52,117
I can see that.
I didn't even know she was dating anyone.

277
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:53,326
It's actually very cute.

278
00:15:53,368 --> 00:15:56,746
She and Byron met at a Sprinkles
vending machine for cupcakes.

279
00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:59,207
I don't even know
if she has a new number or something.

280
00:16:00,375 --> 00:16:01,877
- Hello!
- Hello, everyone.

281
00:16:01,918 --> 00:16:03,336
- Hi!
- Pardon us.

282
00:16:03,378 --> 00:16:07,174
We just wanted to take
a moment to thank our most important people

283
00:16:07,215 --> 00:16:12,637
for gathering in our newly shared dwelling
for this very important soirée.

284
00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:16,516
We are so happy to have
everyone we love most in one place

285
00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:17,976
to celebrate the fact that I asked...

286
00:16:18,059 --> 00:16:19,186
And I said yes!

287
00:16:21,104 --> 00:16:24,733
And I know that we moved fast,
and that doesn't always work out...

288
00:16:24,816 --> 00:16:26,067
- No, it doesn't.
- Jesus.

289
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:29,196
- You're here, too?
- Yeah, Shosh and I are bros.

290
00:16:29,237 --> 00:16:32,782
...and I truly cannot wait
to be Mrs. Byron Long.

291
00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:34,576
Aw!

292
00:16:34,826 --> 00:16:36,703
- I love you.
- I love you.

293
00:16:37,245 --> 00:16:38,747
- Cheers!
- Cheers!

294
00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:41,041
Cheers, guys! Enjoy.

295
00:16:41,082 --> 00:16:42,417
This is insane.

296
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:44,336
Hannah, hi.

297
00:16:44,461 --> 00:16:47,172
Um, since you're here, this is Byron.

298
00:16:47,255 --> 00:16:49,299
- Hi.
- Pleasure, Byron.

299
00:16:49,382 --> 00:16:52,260
So, um, basically,
you're gonna act as if you invited me?

300
00:16:52,427 --> 00:16:55,680
Uh, yeah, I think I'm gonna pretend
like I invited you to my engagement party,

301
00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:58,266
and you wore overalls,
which is a pretty typical move.

302
00:16:58,308 --> 00:17:00,143
- There you go.
- Slim, I'm gonna go out and grab some ice.

303
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:02,229
- All right. I love you, Sticks.
- Love you.

304
00:17:04,689 --> 00:17:07,859
I mean, what am I gonna do, like, start a
fight and ruin this for Byron and for me?

305
00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:09,027
I don't think so.

306
00:17:09,861 --> 00:17:12,197
- Hey!
- Not you, and not now.

307
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:13,782
- Not in the mood.
- Okay, you know what?

308
00:17:13,823 --> 00:17:15,283
I can't handle this right now.

309
00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:17,244
So, my fiancé has gone to get ice

310
00:17:17,285 --> 00:17:19,746
and I'm going to enjoy
my engagement party, okay?

311
00:17:19,871 --> 00:17:23,458
No. Group meeting. Outside. Now.

312
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,293
- Gross.
- No.

313
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:28,463
Okay, group meeting in the bathroom.
Let's do that.

314
00:17:35,762 --> 00:17:38,890
Marnie, I want you to know
that the only reason that I am tolerating

315
00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:41,518
this insanely rude and
inconsiderate behavior

316
00:17:41,601 --> 00:17:43,645
is the fact that every wise woman knows

317
00:17:43,687 --> 00:17:46,022
that the worse the engagement party,
the better the wedding, okay?

318
00:17:46,106 --> 00:17:48,692
Can you tell me what this is,
what we're doing here?

319
00:17:48,775 --> 00:17:49,943
I don't understand.

320
00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:51,903
We're having a group meeting.

321
00:17:51,987 --> 00:17:53,947
I don't want to have a group meeting.

322
00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:55,615
This seems inappropriate.

323
00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:58,159
Well, that's probably about the only thing
we can all agree on right now.

324
00:17:58,243 --> 00:18:02,247
We are not going to throw randomized
grenades of hostility at each other.

325
00:18:02,330 --> 00:18:06,167
Okay? We're gonna be
the adult women that I know we can be,

326
00:18:06,209 --> 00:18:07,502
and say what we're feeling.

327
00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:10,338
If I've learned anything
from my online therapist...

328
00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:11,506
Okay, great. I'll start.

329
00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:15,093
I'm feeling extremely shitty about not
being invited to Shosh's engagement party.

330
00:18:15,176 --> 00:18:17,762
I'm feeling like I would
like to go one place

331
00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:22,142
without being treated
like I'm a jezebel or a witch.

332
00:18:23,643 --> 00:18:25,937
- Particularly by Hannah.
- Good luck with that.

333
00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:29,316
I am feeling a lot of anxiety about the
fact that we've allowed our friendship

334
00:18:29,357 --> 00:18:32,152
to reach this place
of aggression and isolation.

335
00:18:32,193 --> 00:18:33,653
And I am proposing that...

336
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:36,406
Yes, Shosh, and thank you so much
for the hand raise.

337
00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:38,366
If you don't mind,

338
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:40,910
I would like to take a step back,

339
00:18:40,994 --> 00:18:45,081
and say that this is the reason
that we can't hang out together anymore.

340
00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:47,751
No, no, no. See, I am trying to fix this

341
00:18:47,834 --> 00:18:51,338
so that we can hang out
as the friends that we've always been,

342
00:18:51,379 --> 00:18:53,048
and we can be again if we just...

343
00:18:53,131 --> 00:18:56,301
Mmm-mmm. Nope. No, that's not it.

344
00:18:56,384 --> 00:18:58,470
We can't hang out together anymore

345
00:18:58,553 --> 00:19:00,555
because we cannot be in the same room

346
00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:04,225
without one of us making it
completely and entirely about ourselves.

347
00:19:04,267 --> 00:19:06,936
In this instance, in particular,
it happens to be Hannah,

348
00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:10,023
who has decided to crash
my engagement party

349
00:19:10,065 --> 00:19:12,359
by showing up dressed like
a member of the Teen Mom cast.

350
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,361
Well, that's not an insult to me

351
00:19:14,402 --> 00:19:16,821
because it means I look like I
got railed by a football star.

352
00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:18,615
Wasn't intended to be a compliment.

353
00:19:18,698 --> 00:19:22,160
With the help of Byron,
who has completed all 12 steps of Al Anon,

354
00:19:22,243 --> 00:19:25,955
I have come to realize
how exhausting and narcissistic

355
00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:28,249
and ultimately boring
this whole dynamic is.

356
00:19:28,291 --> 00:19:32,545
And I finally feel brave enough
to create some distance for myself.

357
00:19:32,587 --> 00:19:35,674
If you guys happen to know
all of those really pretty girls out there

358
00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:40,261
who have, like, jobs and purses
and nice personalities,

359
00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:42,847
those are now my friends, not you guys.

360
00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:47,769
I think we should all just
agree to call it. Okay? Great.

361
00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:50,772
If you guys wanna stay,
Byron allotted for extra guests

362
00:19:50,855 --> 00:19:52,899
because that's just
the kind of guy that Byron is.

363
00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:56,653
That's who I'm with now. My fiancé. Okay?

364
00:20:00,407 --> 00:20:02,492
Well, Shosh will definitely get her wish.

365
00:20:02,575 --> 00:20:04,661
All of you will,
because I got an important job upstate

366
00:20:04,744 --> 00:20:06,204
and I am moving there with my child,

367
00:20:06,287 --> 00:20:07,706
and none of you
will probably ever see me again.

368
00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:08,873
Wait, what?

369
00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:14,671
On the way over here,
I saw a man take a shit in the street.

370
00:20:14,754 --> 00:20:17,465
And in that moment,
as if it were like a near-death experience,

371
00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:21,594
I flashed upon every piece of shit
I have ever seen on the streets of New York

372
00:20:21,636 --> 00:20:23,096
that I assumed was from a dog.

373
00:20:23,138 --> 00:20:24,305
And guess what?

374
00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:27,767
That shit's not from a dog.
At least not all of it.

375
00:20:27,809 --> 00:20:31,604
'Cause this is a city
where people take shits on the street!

376
00:20:31,646 --> 00:20:33,982
You are moving upstate,

377
00:20:34,023 --> 00:20:36,526
and you didn't even care
to tell me one-on-one?

378
00:20:36,609 --> 00:20:39,320
I called you a million times,
but you were too busy ignoring me

379
00:20:39,362 --> 00:20:40,947
since you were going to
a party I wasn't invited to.

380
00:20:40,989 --> 00:20:41,990
I got it!

381
00:20:42,157 --> 00:20:45,243
I got the part in White Men Can't Jump,

382
00:20:45,326 --> 00:20:50,123
the fucking musical spectacular,
you feckless whores!

383
00:20:50,165 --> 00:20:51,958
Hannah, I will see you at home tomorrow

384
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,086
roughly around noon,
when I'm done partying this out.

385
00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:56,546
Eat a dick!

386
00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:00,175
Shosh was right.

387
00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:04,137
She was right about everything.

388
00:21:04,179 --> 00:21:07,515
Can you stop being so dramatic?
I mean, have a little perspective.

389
00:21:07,557 --> 00:21:11,352
She's planning a wedding. It makes
people very hostile and aggressive.

390
00:21:12,061 --> 00:21:14,814
- You should know.
- Get the fuck out.

391
00:21:14,856 --> 00:21:16,524
Get the fuck out. I need the room.

392
00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:19,152
Great, 'cause this place smells
like pussy cream, and I wish I was dead.

393
00:21:20,820 --> 00:21:23,364
Eight million people in this city...

394
00:21:23,406 --> 00:21:26,034
...and she thinks
all the shit's supposed to be from dogs?

395
00:21:26,075 --> 00:21:29,329
I mean, of course people
shit in the street.

396
00:21:29,370 --> 00:21:31,956
- You've shit in the street, right?
- No.

397
00:21:32,665 --> 00:21:36,085
Oh, you're telling me every shit
you've ever taken has been on a toilet?

398
00:21:37,629 --> 00:21:38,671
Yes.

399
00:21:38,713 --> 00:21:40,006
Oh, God.

400
00:21:40,048 --> 00:21:41,716
You know, you're impossible.

401
00:21:56,898 --> 00:22:00,401
You know, I was barely invited myself.
I was, um...

402
00:22:01,361 --> 00:22:03,071
I just spoke to Shosh this morning

403
00:22:03,154 --> 00:22:07,242
because I needed her
to tell me my ATM code, so...

404
00:22:09,118 --> 00:22:11,746
It's okay. I'm fine. You don't
have to say that. I'm really fine.

405
00:22:14,249 --> 00:22:15,542
Are you?

406
00:22:15,583 --> 00:22:18,503
Yeah. I mean, this job I got,
it's, like, a very big deal for me.

407
00:22:18,586 --> 00:22:19,921
- It's really good, so.
- Yeah.

408
00:22:21,756 --> 00:22:23,091
How's school?

409
00:22:24,425 --> 00:22:25,802
Uh...

410
00:22:25,885 --> 00:22:27,178
Yeah, I quit.

411
00:22:28,638 --> 00:22:29,639
- Um...
- Yeah.

412
00:22:30,849 --> 00:22:32,100
How come?

413
00:22:33,810 --> 00:22:36,604
Um, well, I think it turns out

414
00:22:36,646 --> 00:22:42,569
that I wasn't as ready to help people
as I thought.

415
00:22:43,444 --> 00:22:49,325
Um, and I just needed to take
a long, hard look in the mirror

416
00:22:49,409 --> 00:22:51,244
as my mother would say.

417
00:22:51,286 --> 00:22:52,829
What'd you see?

418
00:22:55,290 --> 00:22:56,875
A fucking bitch.

419
00:23:05,008 --> 00:23:06,259
Oh. Um...

420
00:23:07,260 --> 00:23:11,097
I got you something, actually.
I assumed you'd be here, so...

421
00:23:14,100 --> 00:23:15,184
You know...

422
00:23:24,110 --> 00:23:26,529
It's, um, for a child.

423
00:23:26,613 --> 00:23:28,323
- Yeah.
- It's a dress.

424
00:23:28,406 --> 00:23:30,283
The baby's actually a boy.

425
00:23:30,325 --> 00:23:31,784
Is it really?

426
00:23:32,827 --> 00:23:37,540
I don't know how the fuck that happened.
I haven't really processed it.

427
00:23:37,624 --> 00:23:39,709
You're actually kind of, like,
the first person I'm telling.

428
00:23:39,792 --> 00:23:41,336
I mean, what am I supposed
to do with a boy?

429
00:23:41,419 --> 00:23:42,670
I don't know.

430
00:23:42,754 --> 00:23:44,589
What if I raise him perfectly
and do everything right,

431
00:23:44,672 --> 00:23:48,009
and then he, like, rapes a bajillion people
and, like, runs a lawnmower over a town?

432
00:23:49,427 --> 00:23:51,846
No. He'll be perfect.

433
00:23:53,973 --> 00:23:55,725
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

434
00:24:06,694 --> 00:24:08,029
I'm sorry.

435
00:24:11,115 --> 00:24:12,575
Um...

436
00:24:16,162 --> 00:24:18,414
I am sorry for...

437
00:24:20,041 --> 00:24:22,543
For everything. I don't really...

438
00:24:23,211 --> 00:24:24,796
You don't have to be sorry. It's okay.

439
00:24:24,879 --> 00:24:26,381
I mean, it's like... I mean, it's not okay,

440
00:24:26,464 --> 00:24:29,008
but it's, like, I don't know
who's really supposed to be sorry for what,

441
00:24:29,050 --> 00:24:30,927
so at this point,
we should kind of just call it a...

442
00:24:32,345 --> 00:24:33,429
Like, say it.

443
00:24:35,056 --> 00:24:36,724
- It's okay.
- Mmm-hmm.

444
00:24:36,808 --> 00:24:38,017
It's okay.

445
00:24:38,476 --> 00:24:41,562
I mean, think about it. Like, we
were all just doing our best, so...

446
00:24:44,732 --> 00:24:46,317
Our best was awful.

447
00:24:47,735 --> 00:24:49,654
Worst best.

448
00:24:54,575 --> 00:24:56,244
So, what do you think? Should we, like...

449
00:24:57,328 --> 00:25:00,623
Try to get into
this cool metropolitan vibe, or...

450
00:25:00,707 --> 00:25:02,333
Yeah, um...

451
00:25:02,667 --> 00:25:04,669
I mean, what else am I doing?

452
00:25:06,087 --> 00:25:09,424
Literally been waiting
outside Shoshanna's house since 4:00.

453
00:25:15,096 --> 00:25:18,057
Last night was a bad one

454
00:25:19,559 --> 00:25:22,937
Screaming and fighting for nothing at all

455
00:25:23,021 --> 00:25:26,024
Last night was a hard one

456
00:25:27,817 --> 00:25:30,778
Pinning each other up against the wall

457
00:25:30,820 --> 00:25:35,408
We make each other small

458
00:25:37,326 --> 00:25:43,458
I know we make each other fall

459
00:25:47,045 --> 00:25:50,631
When we toss off what was said

460
00:25:52,592 --> 00:25:54,969
how are we to just forget?

461
00:25:55,053 --> 00:25:59,265
When the night is ringing in our heads

462
00:26:00,558 --> 00:26:02,977
how do we get back to love?

463
00:26:05,938 --> 00:26:08,983
I wanna get you in my spaces

464
00:26:09,067 --> 00:26:12,862
I wanna take you different places

465
00:26:12,945 --> 00:26:16,282
I'm not at all really this romantic

466
00:26:16,324 --> 00:26:19,952
I know you see me as a frantic girl

467
00:26:19,994 --> 00:26:23,414
But I can give you what you want

468
00:26:24,082 --> 00:26:27,585
I know you like the way I held my temper

469
00:26:27,668 --> 00:26:29,837
when I gave you to the world

470
00:26:29,879 --> 00:26:31,589
Gave you to the world

471
00:26:31,672 --> 00:26:33,341
I can be your heart type of girl

472
00:26:33,424 --> 00:26:37,887
'Cause I've been scared of crowded places

473
00:26:40,807 --> 00:26:43,476
Come with me

474
00:26:44,060 --> 00:26:47,522
I'll take you home

475
00:26:47,897 --> 00:26:52,693
'Cause I've been scared of crowded places

476
00:26:55,238 --> 00:26:58,699
Come with me

477
00:26:58,783 --> 00:27:02,495
I'll take you home